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CR7 and Neymar both celebrate their natal day on February 5th. The real question here is not who the better player is or who has achieved more, but who throws the better birthday party!?
Whose Birthday Bash Would You Attend? CR7's or Neymar's?
02/04/2014
 
Real Madrid's star striker Cristiano Ronaldo and Barcelona's star signing of last summer Neymar, both celebrate their birthday on Wednesday, February 5th. Both players will get a whole lot of attention so you can expect long articles and special television presentations narrowing down all that they have accomplished throughout their careers.

While all that sounds fine and dandy, the real question here is not who the better player is or who has achieved more, but who throws the better birthday party!? Let's analyze this scenario from the professional, unbiased point of view of us avid soccer fans, as we view the stars that captivate us week in and week out through our television screens.

Let's start with Ronaldo. From what we can gather, the current Ballon d'Or holder is not what you would call a party animal, but he is a man of fine taste and you can tell that not just by his flawless hair but by the supermodel eye candy he carries with him, Irina Shayk. 
No man anywhere (except Beckham of course) would go to the lengths that Ronaldo goes to to look like a cover boy for Abercrombie & Fitch. We can only assume that the reason he does this is to meet his girlfriend's impossible standards. And we have a word for men like that: "whipped". Some naysayers will go ahead and say that his look is all him because of his flamboyant style back in his Manchester days, but I can assure that just like you, 'dear reader', Ronaldo went through the same phase that you did as a teen. Please don't make me pull out your yearbook and show that picture of you with your Eminem'esque bleached hair and "jncos".

Having said that, you just know you won't even be able to show up to CR7's house in "La Finca" with a case of beer and your Fast & Furious collection to enjoy a bro-ish Wednesday evening with your buddy on his first day of his last year in his 20's. Ronaldo will probably enjoy an expensive dinner at some fancy restaurant or an evening at home, pretending to enjoy his girlfriend's horrible cooking. Real Madrid play cross-town rivals Atletico Madrid in the Copa del Rey semifinal first leg on Wednesday, so there is no chance in hell that the Portuguese will enjoy any birthday "off-field action" back at home until after the game, and that's only if Madrid win. I don't blame the last part on the Portuguese's girlfriend but on Ronaldo's extreme discipline, so kudos for him...I think.

But like every other person who gets their birthday in the middle of the week, Ronaldo will move the main party to the weekend, probably Saturday evening after Madrid's league game against Villarreal. Ronaldo will not play the match due to the red card he received against Athletic Bilbao last week, but he will still want his teammates to be able to join him in the celebration. Will the Portuguese be betrayed by his Roman Catholic background? You can bet Madrid's La Liga title on that one! Ronaldo's house party will be an evening of glut and glamour. You will be able to taste expensive liquors, eat fancy food, chat up beautiful women in couture dresses, etc. It will be Irina's chance to gloat her boyfriend's status in front of her other supermodel girlfriends and a chance for Gareth Bale to show the birthday boy that he's no longer the only fashion diva in Madrid!
But that party is targeted more toward Irina and acquaintances. If there's still a shred of man inside Ronaldo, he will find a way to throw the house out of the window on Thursday and Friday night. I'm pretty sure he will though. There's still a success hungry little Portuguese boy inside of Ronaldo, desperate for approval, and that pushes him into some very uncomfortable situations where he will put himself on the line if he thinks it will help the team. If you don't believe that just watch every other video of the Portuguese throwing a whim when he doesn't get his way.
Neymar on the other hand, has a liquid party flowing through his veins! Barcelona play Real Sociedad on Wednesday in the Copa del Rey semifinal first leg so he will have to keep it low profile on that day, maybe just a few kickback beers with Barcelona's non-squad players and Dani Alves, because you just know that that kid hangs around with the young-bloods! 

Neymar's real birthday bash celebration will begin on 'Thirsty Thursday' and it will not end until the early hours of Saturday, because the Brazilian has to rest his injury. What will a Neymar party consist of? You guessed it right! Samba, girls, girls and girls!! An old school block party of epic proportions! The kind that Barcelona has never seen! Of course it will be BYOB and everyone will be invited. There will be live bands and DJ's, your next door neighbor dancing on a pole or chugging light beer through a beer bong...you name it! Every kind of debauchery you can think of will be present.
I can see Messi going with his wife and kid, and being extremely bewildered about the situation. He will call it a night early but I'm sure he'll ask Neymar of all the details about the party and ask to be invited to the next one. Jose Manuel Pinto will be getting ridiculed in a rap battle. Dani Alves will be living it up with Neymar backstage in a more chill situation with a Foosball table and whatnot. Iniesta will be bored out of his mind, but won't be able to leave because he got his ride from Xavi and the midfielder will be partying like it's 1999. Valdes will get super emotional about his inevitable summer departure and of course good old "Tata" will be showing the young ones how it's done in Rosario when it comes to partying.

All in all, both parties will be off the hook. Neymar's "Project X" event will be talked about for years and you could probably meet your future ex-girlfriend there as well. On the other hand, Cristiano Ronaldo's gala evening will open your world to things your working class persona will never be able to experience from your college town in Ohio. You will try things you will never try again and get to talk with the Victoria Secret and Sports Illustrated models, and actually have a shot at them because they will believe you're in their same league just for being there. It's the cool kid's party you never got invited to.

So, if you had a choice to travel to one party that day which one would it be?

My honest answer...

NONE!

And why?

Well because it so happens, that a much cooler person turns 30 that same day... Cooler than Ronaldo and Neymar you ask? Well obviously! Because I'm talking about none other than the magical Carlitos Tevez!!!

The Juventus striker has an aura to him that has captured the hearts and minds of the Argentine people, who have created a cult following more loyal even than that of Messi. His modest background, austere lifestyle, and community service has made him a hero within the more humble people in his native Ciudadela. The constant support for his neighborhood Fuerte Apache, where his nickname 'el Apache' derived from, his simple-heartedness that has kept him true to his roots, and even going as far as denying free cosmetic surgery on his burn scars because they are part of who he is, make the lovable striker the best option to party with!

We would start it all off Wednesday afternoon in Tevez' apartment in Turin with Evra and Park Ji-Sung, and invite Inter Milan's striker and Argentine compatriot Rodrigo Palacio, who also has his birthday on the same day. The quartet will most probably have some cake along with some laughs. An improbable girlfriend will be there along with the wife and kids. They will smoke some cigars, reminisce of good times back at Manchester United and Argentina, plan a hiking trip and watch the sun go down. 
But as the sun sets Tevez's 'party animal' would come out and the trio would take a trip to a dive karaoke bar in a neighborhood that reminds the striker of Villa de los Andes, the slum that gave birth to his amazing band Piola Vago. Inside the bar, things would start to heat-up as the beers and cumbia music start to flow. The four of them would mix with the locals, get the mood just right and have the place dancing until sunrise. Then they would pull a stunt that could end up in an adventure that we'll leave to your imagination and will not end until Sunday's match against Verona where he will surely score an important goal that he will dedicate to his people back in Argentina.
I'll be the fifth Beatle and share an unforgettable couple of days, while becoming closely acquainted with one of the realest footballers that have ever existed. 

If you're not a party person you can always go to Adnan Januzaj's house, whose birthday is also on Wednesday, play a round of Call of Duty while you down some Mountain Dew cans and eat Doritos. The only problem is that you'll have to leave at 10:00 PM because it's a school night . But since it's his birthday his mother will allow him to play one hour past bedtime.
But that's just my opinion! Where would you like to hang out?
 
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